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Quotes said by Dave Barry

I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Justice consists not in being neutral between right and wrong, but in finding out the right and upholding it, wherever found, against the wrong.

A vote is like a rifle: its usefulness depends upon the character of the user.

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.

Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president.

To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, right or wrong - is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.

Do what you can with what you have where you are.

The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not Guilty."

Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground.

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.

Put out the light.

Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, "Certainly I can!" - and get busy and find out how to do it.

Nine-tenths of wisdom consists in being wise in time.

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.

The great virtue of my radicalism lies in the fact that I am perfectly ready, if necessary, to be radical on the conservative side.

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education.

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